There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
