You can't motorboat a personality
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
