I would go down on you faster than GM stock
even my farts smell like vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
