im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
