Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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