my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
