So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
