Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
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I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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