Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
