I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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