Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
