my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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