Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
