idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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