first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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