Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
