I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
