Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
