it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize