I didn't shave. On purpose
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
