You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize