Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize