I cockslap morals
apparently the secret to your success is patron
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
