Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
