Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
