I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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