69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
sarcasm needs its own font
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
