OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
