Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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