You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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