She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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