I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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