i just had sex bonerless
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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