I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
