New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
