I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
