i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
