What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize