You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
