i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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