Umm I'm too high to move.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
