and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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