You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
