i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This girl is more easily done than said...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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