Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
