Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
