My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
