i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
