Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.