im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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