I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS