I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?