Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say