I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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