i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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