Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
