im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
