OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
