How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I won the penis lottery.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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