he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
