she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
