i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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