I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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