there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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