I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
