she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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