As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
