marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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