jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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