hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize